Anyone else feel like Sharpay more often than you want to admit?

Several months ago I made an assumption about a certain outcome that I really, really wanted to see happen. I was anticipating this outcome for weeks, and had planned in my mind exactly how the events of the weekend would play out. When the outcome I hoped for didn't happen, I was disappointed, disillusioned, and a little angsty like Sharpay. I questioned my assumptions about the situation as well as my assumptions about Jesus. I had told him my desires for the weekend and thought he was for me. How did I misread the situation so wrongly? Did he let me down, or did I let myself down?
Dallas Willard writes, "Our preexisting ideas and assumptions are what determine what we can see, hear or otherwise observe. These general ideas which express how we want things to be... prevent a correct perception of those very stories and events."

In my determination to see events unfold the way I desired, I made several dangerous mistakes:

• I had specific expectations instead of a holy expectancy to see God move and surprise me.

• I believed Jesus works according to my plans and my timeline.

• I believed Jesus can only satisfy me when I receive the things I want.

• I believed everything ordained by God has to make sense.

In the aftermath of my disappointment, I realized I cared less about the outcome and more about my lack of control over the situation. It was a startling reminder that I can't control the timing of my life--only God does--and he doesn't usually explain his logic (at least not this side of eternity). More, when I let go of my specific expectations, I find that what Jesus offers is far better than I could have planned for myself.

I have been comforted to know I'm not alone in making assumptions. Jesus' disciples were constantly making assumptions about who Jesus is and what he can do. Take Peter in Mark 10, for example. Peter had just become the first person to confess Jesus is Christ, the Son of God. And in the very next passage, he makes wild predictions about what it means for Jesus to be the Messiah, and was even rebuked for it.

Like the majority of Israel, Peter expected the victorious Messiah would come with military strength. Peter wanted victory through the defeat of Israel’s enemies, not the defeat of the Messiah himself. In reality, the Messiah uses a servant’s towel instead of a warrior’s sword. He gets down in the blood and tears of humanity. Jesus had to suffer, be rejected and be killed in order to fulfill the meaning of Messiah. That doesn’t sound like a victorious king to me, and I know the ending!

One thing that strikes me in this passage is that rather than teach through his normal parables, Jesus speaks plainly in Mark 8, with full confidence and disclosure, of the meaning of Messiah. This word “plainly” (verse 32) is found only in the synoptic Gospels and always in connection to suffering. It is clear to Jesus that his mission and identity is the suffering servant. Peter's assumption of what Christ as Messiah meant blinded him from the fullness and true glory of Christ’s mission: the cross. Jesus' moment of greatest defeat (human death) was also his moment of greatest glory (resurrection and the defeat of death forever).

Ultimately, Jesus was the Messiah that Peter wanted, but not in the ways he expected. Jesus didn't defeat Rome, the immediate threat in his day, he defeated the deeper enemy of sin and death that all of humanity has suffered under. This man Jesus who has the power to forgive our sins and welcome us into eternal life is always our ultimate longing. Every hope we have for deliverance, acceptance, wholeness, and salvation finds its fulfillment in the the risen Christ Jesus, but never in the ways we expect.

When my ideal weekend disappointed me, I had nowhere to turn but back to Jesus with my pain and confusion. In the same moment, I felt him draw near to me. He had not abandoned me, but had actually used my disappointment as an invitation to realign my heart and plans with his. I had to die to myself, my control, and my ideals that I hold so tightly. My assumptions and expectations were gone, but in their place was Jesus, and I found I wanted him even more than I wanted my outcome.

Many months later, I'm still waiting for the same outcome I hoped and prayed for. I find myself continually laying down my expectations and ideals, but in a freeing way that invites the Lord to come surprise and delight me with his good plans. I've started inviting Jesus into my dreams, and asking to receive what he has for me instead of what I would choose for myself.

I will experience more moments of doubt and confusion. Longing and disappointment will always be real and be part of my story. But I've seen that who Jesus is changes everything. My biggest enemy, death, has been defeated. My ultimate longing for a good, eternal future, has already been secured. Every desire on earth is somehow a deeper craving for this person of Jesus. How could I not surrender my dreams to this Messiah who breaks every expectation?

Here's to letting go of specific expectations and clinging to holy expectancy in Jesus who is completely, radically, abundantly for us and "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).

Additional reading: Isaiah 55:6-13