Surprise & Delight
My whole life is changing next month.
I suppose that’s a bit dramatic, but it feels true. The social expectation (per the letter from my parents’ health insurance company) is that by age 26, I should have a stable full-time job with benefits. Alternatively, I could be married and supported by a husband. I guess I enjoy breaking social norms, so instead of pursuing either of these options, I’m quitting my three part-time jobs next month and am moving to summer camp on my 26th birthday. I’m planning to return to “normal life” this fall, but I have zero idea what that will look like, nor how I will support myself.
Every few days, a wave of shock and fear hits me. This is so irresponsible! I should have applied to jobs for the fall by now. There’s a grad school acceptance letter in my inbox—I’m being neglectful in ignoring it. But I can’t accept if I don’t know how I’m going to pay for it. What type of job do I even want? “Meaningful work that is people-oriented and makes a long-term investment in peoples’ souls” doesn’t work as a key phrase in a job search engine—I’ve tried.
Surprisingly, most days I actually have peace and overwhelming excitement about this change. For the first time in my life, I have no expectations about what life will look like in six months. I get to let go of everything that has taken up my time and mental energy for the last four years so I have space to hold new dreams and pursue new adventures. I’m pressing pause on my life as a way of reassessing the direction I’m going. I am confident that this pruning season—cutting back commitments that are no longer life-giving—will allow me to be more fruitful in the next season.
Change is scary because it forces us out of our comfort zones. Avoiding change is also scary because it keeps us in our comfort zones.
On the days I am tempted to stay in the safety of my comfort zone, I remind myself:
What are the gifts in seasons of change?
You get to let go of expectations.
You get to embrace the freedom of unknowns.
You get to be surprised!
It’s actually a gift to not be able to envision the next season; it’s an invitation to be fully present to the season right in front of me.
As a planner, it still intimidates me to live unscripted. But my new plan is to walk through each day with a posture of openness and expectancy. What surprises will this day hold? What beauty and goodness will I discover? Who can I talk to, smile at, or listen to, who will enrich my life? What adventure is waiting beyond my comfort zone?
I am confident that when I need to know what job to pursue this fall, it will be clear, and I will be surprised! I suppose that’s the gift of faith: I don’t need to know the full picture, I just get to delight in the small pieces in front of me.
I ask God most days to surprise and delight me, and the wonderful thing is, I’m always surprised when it happens! It’s not that I don’t think He’s able to, I just forget that He is so attentive to the details of my life that He wants to surprise and delight me daily. Some days it’s the overgrown Magnolia tree in my neighbor’s yard that has finally bloomed into its full glory which takes my breath away. Other days it’s the spontaneous evening walk with friends that fills me with thanksgiving. He sees me, and knows what will delight me!
Friends, I share this as a way of reminding myself and encouraging you that there’s beauty in not having everything figured out. There is freedom in taking each day as it comes, letting them be full of wonder. May you seek “the way of surprise and delight” and find it to be glorious.