The Middle
What does it mean to wait on the Lord?
The Psalms are full of commands to “wait on the Lord; be strong. Let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14) and “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart… be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37: 4, 7). But how do we as believers faithfully follow these commands? What exactly are we waiting for?
As my wise friend Yazmin recently pointed out, in its original context, waiting on the Lord means “to be expectant, to hope, to eagerly expect.” When translated from Hebrew, ‘wait’ is associated with binding rope together until it is unbreakable (Isaiah 40:31). In waiting on the Lord, we actively bind ourselves to Him, trusting and expecting Him to meet us. In her article on waiting, Sandra Mccraken beautifully articulates “Waiting is the posture, the practice that most effectively aligns me into communion with God.” This is not a passive waiting process, but one of daily surrender where we pour out our hearts to God in lament and worship.
My understanding of the waiting process has been stretched far longer than I anticipated as I continue to wait for a romantic relationship. I often read verses or articles on waiting and ask myself if I am waiting for the desires of my heart, or the Lord himself. How do I know the difference? I’ve poured out my heart telling God what (and sometimes who) I want, but what comes next? How do I wait patiently for something I so badly desire?
We must meet God in the middle. I'm guilty of jumping to extremes, from "Lord, I want this so badly" to "Lord, take this desire away." I harden my heart to relationships, one of my deepest desires, when I jump between these extremes. My heart feels like it's on a roller coaster, instead of staying on my knees saying, "Lord, this is the season you have me in right now and I want to be faithful to that. Will you give me patience, and show me how I can best use this time during my single years?"
Our hope, confidence, and joy MUST be in the Lord, whether we are single, dating, or married. God is our great reward, not a genie who grants us wishes. As Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don't have now, we don't need now." I do not deserve or need a relationship, nor do I have control over the timing of a relationship, should God choose to give me that good gift. I have wasted so much time fantasizing about ideal dating scenarios and thinking about what I don't have. What I DO have is the freedom to deepen my relationship with the Lord, pursue friendships, give of my time, and hone other life skills during these formative years. The Lord knows I deeply desire a relationship, and I trust that if and when He answers my prayer, it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, I have no business trying to find out where God is leading—the only thing God will explain to me is Himself.
Another pitfall is the belief that because I've wanted something for a long time and have yet to see my prayer answered, something must be wrong with me. This is a LIE that keeps me focused on the hardship of waiting rather than the joy of entrusting my desires to a good Father. A relationship or any other object of desire becomes an idol when it replaces God; it is not idolatrous to desire something deeply. In fact, I believe that my desire for relationship is good and comes from God himself! I think of people in the Bible who have waited on the Lord: Hannah wept on the steps of the temple for a son, the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, Noah waited for the rain to come and to end, Abraham waited for his offspring. Each time, God delivered what He promised. The Lord is holding NO GOOD THING back from his children. Lauren Chandler's words have both convicted and comforted me: "He loves you too much to give you what you want too soon."
As I have learned to pursue God for deeper communion with Him, I am less concerned with the answers and outcomes I want, and become more concerned with who He is and what He wants for my life. It's a vulnerable process to lay my heart before the Lord and choose His plans above my own desires, but I am not alone. Jesus himself prayed before his death, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). It is messy and uncomfortable to stay in the middle, avoiding extremes, and letting God be God over my life. I am always in a hurry, but God is not. He is using this waiting season to draw me to Himself, and to do so many wonderful things in my life. Oh, that we would stop looking at what we don't have and instead worship God for who He is and what He is doing! He is the great storyteller writing our futures, even if the only part of the narrative we see is the middle.