Chasing Sunsets & Finding Fullness
I feel like I'm always chasing something just beyond my reach. The next vacation, the next career move, a new relationship. Sometimes I’m chasing the meaning of a word: What is hope? What is beauty? What is fullness?
I’ve been chasing the word “fullness” this year. It’s one of those concepts I’ve never fully understood (pun intended). What does it mean to live fully? If it’s just a busy schedule, I already live that, and it still feels like something is missing. Does living fully mean being more spontaneous or adventurous, and posting amazing pictures about it? Does it mean having lots of friends and being social? Or does a full life include more than that—a deeper sense of peace or joy?
The past several years around the New Year I’ve prayed for a word that would guide the coming months. Sometimes the word lasts the entire year, sometimes just for a season until a different word acts as a guiding theme for my life. The word “fullness” came this year as I was reflecting on Mary receiving the fullness of Jesus in her womb. Jesus, in whom “the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily” (Colossians 2:9). You can’t get much fuller than that.
I also thought immediately of one of my favorite Psalms: “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). Did I know what fullness of joy felt like? I wanted to.
I was in a season of desperately wanting my own dream to be fulfilled. Specifically, I wanted “fullness of joy” to mean I was finally going to start dating. I believed there is a wholeness and completeness that comes from being in a romantic relationship. Maybe there’s some truth in that which I will experience one day, but I’ve learned being single does not keep me from experiencing fullness right now. If anything, this season of my life is the most full it’s ever been!
I used to be annoyed when people pointed out Jesus was never married. I idolized marriage so highly that I could not see singleness as a valid or fulfilling calling. Now I find it comforting that in his singleness, Jesus lived the fullest human life possible because he drew his life and love from the Father, not from another human. That is the fullness available to me and you today!
I’m learning that fullness is knowing Jesus, chasing him, and being loved by him. Fullness happens when we acknowledge we are already in his presence every minute of every day. Fullness comes in surrendering to his current of love that satisfies more deeply than any human love. And I’ve found it really is possible to have deep, overflowing joy even in the midst of pain and longing.
At some point this spring I stopped focusing on and praying for what I don’t have, and started noticing what I do have all around me. I have old friends to pour into, and new friends to get to know. I have roommates to love and do life with. I have the freedom to travel all summer, and I have a friend in Jesus so I am never alone. In practicing gratitude for this season of life, I realized fullness is built in to the word gratefulness! This does not forgo longing and desire for the future, but practicing gratitude does help me be content in the present. I still deeply desire marriage, but it would bring a different type of joy, not a better type of joy. I trust the Lord works “in the fullness of time” (Ephesians 1:10) and never according to my expectations. While I don’t know if or when I might get married, I gratefully and joyfully receive this current season and the immense goodness to be found here.
As Psalm 16 reminds us, we experience fullness of joy in God’s presence. I feel this most tangibly as I chase sunsets. I love the word “chase” because it invokes the excitement of adventure and the invitation to discovery. At some point, you have to stop the chase and revel in what you have found. In my traveling this summer, I have stopped to say “wow, this is fullness!” while watching the sunset countless times with friends, family, and even by myself. Being with others might enhance my experience of watching a sunset, but cannot take away from the fullness of beauty displayed night after night in creation. Similarly, having our ideal ____ (relationship, job, house, etc.) might be great, but cannot enhance the peace that comes from gratefully receiving exactly what he has for us today. The chase is exhausting when we don’t slow down and see the beauty already around us.
Jesus said “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). I think abundant life isn’t extravagant life, it’s childlike life that takes pleasure in the simplest things. Full, abundant life rejects fear and chooses freedom—the freedom to show up contentedly in the present moment with gratefulness. Full, abundant, adventurous life chases beauty in the person of Jesus and stops to revel in him.
I believe so deeply that each person was created by God for freedom, friendship, and fullness, “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:16). Regardless of our life stage and circumstance, whether single, dating, or married, we are invited to experience loving relationship Jesus whose presence alone makes our joy complete. It is my prayer alongside the Apostle Paul that you come to “know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19). Jesus is worth chasing, and wants to be found—right here, all around you!