Truth Project
This picture of my college dorm room isn't glamorous, but it's one of the scenes I'm most proud of. It depicts quiet, hidden wrestling that my roommate and I did with the Lord during our sophomore year. I called it the truth project. Throughout the year we added scripture verses about our worth, promises of hope, encouragement for the mundane moments of each day, and prayers that we could cling to. We reminded ourselves and one another of God's deep, unending love for us, and we listed attributes about who God is. We challenged one another to reject the fig leaves--the ways we hide to convince ourselves and others that we're fine and have it all together.
It's often hard to remember when we started believing certain lies about ourselves. It's even hard for me to recognize lies about myself because I'm so convinced that they are true: I'm not pretty enough, I'll never be as good as her, I'll never be seen by him, I'll never succeed like them.
I eat these lies up, then feel shame, then hide. The cycle caused Adam and Eve to hide from God in the garden, and the enemy is still using the same trap. He is the father of lies who has been subtly twisting the truth since the beginning of time.
I find it's far easier to accept a lie than search scripture to find truth about who God says I am. I have been hearing and believing lies about myself my whole life, growing so accustomed to the devil's accusations that I claim them as my own. Being hard on ourselves is even celebrated in our culture, and wow is that destructive!
Anyone else have the experience of beating yourself up, feeling proud because you somehow addressed your failure, only to feel like you've sunk deeper into a pit afterwards? Holding ourselves to high standards is so important. Punishing and shaming ourselves when we fall short (which we inevitably always will) is so wrong.
Every voice and message that is not from God is wounding us. We will never be able to find a foothold in the enemy's lies or our ability to "shake it off." As much as I've tried to believe I'm not affected, comments that people made about me in middle school still stick with me. On my worst days, they define me like I once let them. On my best days, I claim that only Jesus has authority to define my life.
In a world where truth is relative and largely based on personal opinion, I find it freeing to claim that Jesus Christ is Truth with a capital T. He came to redefine humanity and defend us from every lie from the enemy. What He says about me should have the final word every single time, even when I would rather side with the lies.
We can’t respond by just slapping on a Bible verse and hoping memorizing a few words reverses the mental ruts that lies have forged. We have to listen to Jesus and His Word. We might know the truth, but until we meditate on it, digest it, and practice using the Word in the face of the enemy's lies, we won't experience Truth fighting for us. Isn't it also freeing to know 1) our negative thoughts aren't from us, there's actually spiritual force of darkness working against us AND 2) there is a Light who has overcome the darkness who is fighting for and with us?
These are deep, difficult lessons that take a lifetime to practice. What started as a habit in college of clinging to truth and actively "taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) has waned over the years. And yet, I've experienced the way God's grace gently blows through my heart, inviting me to lay down my burdens and my efforts to build my image. In fact, He asks me to rid myself of all comparison (which makes me feel better) and stop listing my achievements (which makes me feel safer) and tell him about the broken, hurting places where I don't measure up. Where the enemy shouts lies with broad strokes, God whispers truth with specifics. Jesus looks at the parts of my body, my personality, and my image that I try to hide, and He says I am "his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Ephesians 2:10).
The lies, insecurity, and comparison won't go away, and that is a hard part of life that we each learn to endure. But Jesus says "my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30) because in the face of the enemy's lies and our own self-doubt, we can stake our hope in a good Father "who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him" (Ephesians 1:3-4).
Ask Jesus to for ears to hear his still, small voice whispering truth. Ask the Spirit to bring to mind lies you have believed, and for the freedom to claim them as lies. Have compassion for yourself when you are disgusted and tempted to feel shame. The loving Father does not reject our brokenness, he invites and redeems it (for a powerful example, read the book of Hosea!).
Invite friends into this journey with you. Being consistent with my college truth project was far more successful and meaningful because it was a joint effort with my roommate. Rejecting fig leaves requires vulnerability and accountability, and who better than a trusted friend to journey with you?
Finally, practice gratitude. This picture from that same season in college is cliche, but practicing gratitude daily pulled me out of a years-long habit of complaining. My outlook on life and my thoughts about myself shifted dramatically during this year. Taking note of what I was grateful for kept me focused on small, exciting steps of progress instead of discouragement. I no longer keep a gratitude jar, but I still write what I am grateful for each day in my journal for a permanent record of God's faithfulness. Friends, He IS faithful and always waiting with open arms to speak his love and truth over you. Reach out! "Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed are those who take refuge in Him" (Psalm 34:8).